Happy Heavenly Birthday: Chasing Away the Monsters for Dad While He Was at Death's Door

It was November 18, 2017, my wife Cecile and I flew in from California to New Jersey to visit dad. At a 100-years old his life was beginning to slip away. He was lying on the living room sofa which is where he slept since our mama Maria died on Mother's Day 2013. All the family were present, including my nephews from Texas. Some were taking turns sitting by his side. At one point dad’s hand was gripping my wrist tightly, almost as if he feared letting go would mean slipping into the unknown. His eyes, once so steady and reassuring appeared dim and vulnerable.

It reminded me of my childhood, when I’d had nightmares, convinced the boogeyman or monsters were hiding in the closet or under my bed. The monsters weren’t imaginary anymore—they were real, and they loomed over him like shadows. I sensed it in the way he clung to my wrist, the way his breaths became shallow and uneven, as if he was holding on to life with all he had left. “It’s okay,” I whispered softly, adding “You don’t have to be afraid. You can let go.”

Suddenly his breathing grew softer, more peaceful, and the tension in his face melted away. In that moment, I understood what James Blunt meant in the song “Monsters, he wrote when his dad was dying." The fear of dying, of letting go, was like the monsters from childhood—terrifying. Fast forward to 2024, James Blunt’s song “Monsters" sung by American Idol contestant and season 21 winner, 18-year old Hawaiian-born Iam Tongi whose dad died months earlier. It had brought me back to that day my dad firmly held my wrist, its lyrics echoing in this moment that brought the judges, and American viewers like myself to tears:

“I’m not your son, you’re not my father. We’re just two grown men saying goodbye. No need to forgive, no need to forget, I know your mistakes and you know mine…So daddy, won’t you just close your eyes, don’t be afraid, it’s my turn to chase the monsters away.”

Dad passed away on December 18, 2017 almost three weeks shy of his January 5, 2018 birthday with my sister Josie Augustine-Mcallister by his side. The following week he was honored by the Elks Club #74 at Failla-McKnight Memorial Home In Hoboken, NJ, and as a veteran he was honored at Holy Cross Cemetery in North Arlington, NJ with a solo Taps American bugle call and Flag Folding Ceremony with the folded flag presented to Josie. Happy Heavenly Birthday Dad. We were blessed to have you so long.

A Veteran's Salute to my Dad & Other Family Members Who Served their Country & My Nephew Andrew WhoCarries the Torch for the Old Generation

"A veteran, whether in active duty, discharged, retired or in the reserves, is someone who, at one point or another in his life wrote a blank check made payable to the United States of America, and are deserving of our debt and gratitude"

Most of the photos of my late dad, Frank Augustine were taken in the rotunda, at the Justice Brennan Courthouse in Jersey City, NJ on April 15, 2014. They were photographed by my brother-in-aw Joseph McAllister, a veteran of the United States Navy. I would like to also thank him and other family members including my late cousin Nick Girone, and his surviving son, Carmine Girone Jr., for their service as well as all veterans who have come and gone or are currently serving our country.

My sister Josephine and I were fortunate enough to be at our late father's side when he and 80 other veterans received Military Service Medals Citation Certificates for their years of service. In addition, dad received a Proclamation from the office of the former Mayor of Hoboken, Dawn Zimmer. The event was a joint effort by the Hudson County Executive, Thomas A. De Gise, the Office of Veteran Affairs, and the Hudson County Board of Chosen Freeholders.

Dad had followed the footsteps of my Uncle Joe and my Uncle Anthony Augustine and was stationed at San Antonio Texas (See B&W Photo). Dad served under the command of his mentor and friend, Army Chaplain Capt. William Walsh and served as his personal aide until September 15, 1938. His last stint was at Walter Reed National Army Medical Center Bethesda, Maryland.

The photos of the handsome young man in the cockpit of a fighter jet is my nephew Andrew Augustine, a career Air Force veteran who is stationed at the Okinawa Island Naval Base, in Japan with his wife Kaylyn who is also a veteran and their beautiful daughter Ayla. As an F-15 Crew Chief and Air Force Sergeant, Andrew is responsible for making sure these jets are battle ready. He has been recognized by his exceptional performance, valor, fidelity and patriotism. He does the family and country proud. Thank you for your service Andrew! We are all proud of the man you have become.

Postscript: Andrew has a tattoo of an image of a army tank with the word FRANK on the barrel of the gun in honor of his grandpa Frank whom he fondly called "Frank the Tank,” because my dad liked to rhyme the names of his kids and grandkids.

Remembering My Late Brother Michael on the 5th Anniversary of His Death with a Poem

(Nov. 10, 1958—Nov 1, 2019)

It’s been five years since Michael left us for the heavenly realm on November 1, or “ALL SAINTS DAY on the Catholic Calendar.” His patron saint was St Michael the Archangel. Sadly, he was only nine days shy of his 61 birthday, about two years since our dad died, and five and half years since our mom died. He loved being an altar boy in his youth at Our Lady of Grace Church, just a block away from the five-flat our parents owned on 5th Street (between Garden and Bloomfield) in Hoboken, N.J. He also loved being in the Boy Scouts, loved his work as a construction team leader with the Shauger Group, and he loved his family, especially his boys (my nephews): Michael, Jr., Andrew, Brock and Alex, whom he was very proud of.

In loving memory of Michael, I would like to post some poetic verses by Ullie Kaye that I adapted from her poem called:

“I don’t Say Shhh to Grief.”

I don’t say shhh to grief. I let myself stay sad for as long as my heart tells me to.

I hold it in my hands and give it a soft place to fall and a safe place to stay…

I don’t say shhh to grief. I let it walk with me and talk to me. I say, let’s talk about your laugh [he had a wonderful laugh]

I don’t say shhh to grief. Instead I let myself remember. Because remembering keeps us closer; and closer is

is sweeter, and sweeter is better.

I don’t say shhh to grief. I don’t walk around it like a puddle, because although grief is messy, I want to go right through it. I need to let myself feel how it splashes in my face just like the wildest storm mixed with a warm embrace.

I don’t say shhhh to grief. I say, come spend the day with me. I say, I am still learning. I say, I love you, and the world was better with you in it.

POSTSCRIPT: The Silver Amulet Elephant resting on the shoulders of the angel (see photo) was kindly gifted to me by my nephew Michael Jr. It contains some of my brother’s ashes. Rightfully so, he thought I could take the essence of my brother on all my bike riding adventures which keeps me spiritually connected.

Happy Fathers Day in Heaven to My Late Dad & the Neil Young's Classic Song "Old Man” Seems to be a Fitting Son's Tribute

(see video clip link!)

Neil Young’s 1972 song “Old Man” classic helped me take a renewed look at my relationship with my late dad, Frank Augustine, who lived to be 100. This classic, reflective, nostalgic, and introspective song explores the similarities and differences in perspective between a young man at the beginning of his life journey, and and old man who is closer to the end of his. It shows that the two men, despite having vastly different circumstances in life, ultimately have much in common. The lines “Old Man" look at my life, I’m a lot like you were” highlights this connection. Many like myself discovered that this song helped them navigate their relationships with their own dads.

As I grew older I noticed similarities between my dad and I, and began to recognize that no matter how different I believed we were, there will always be a sacred thread and bond that connects us. Like Young, I experienced early success, lived in a “paradise” but was still searching for something more, something that "can't be lost like a treasured coin that won’t get tossed away.” That ultimately came as I focused more and more on total acceptance and unconditional love of my dad. In later years, I worked hard to get him recognized by city, county and state officials, and the Office of Veteran Affairs and Senior Citizen community in New Jersey for his many contributions to his community and his country.

Happy Fathers Day to all Fathers and Father Figures!

Postscript: Neil Young—Old Man (Live) [Harvest 50th Anniversary Edition] (Official Music Video link)

https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=aaplw...

Holocaust Memorial Day (Yom Hashoah) A Day of Remembrance with a Heartfelt Poem "Unless You Know"

Yom Hashoah 2024 begins this evening of Sunday evening, marking the anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising serving as a memorial day for 6 million Jews murdered by the Nazis. Since the early 1960s, the sound of a siren on Yom Hashoah stops traffic and pedestrians throughout the State of Israel for two minutes of silent devotion. The siren blows at sundown and once again the following morning at 11 a.m. the following morning.

“This Yom Hashoa cuts us more deeply than any before...Things that we and the world vowed would never happen [’never again’] were committed against us—"again.”

—Chutney Klezmer Band

“Serving as witnesses to the horrors of the Nazis will give context to the roots oof antisemitism and help inform why we must continue to condemn antisemitism, from Eastern Europe to US college campuses.”

—Rabbi Ari Berman, Yeshiva University

"Unless You Know”

Poem by Rachel Lipetz MacAulay

Unless you know what it is to look at black and white proof at lambs led to slaughter,

At herds of the lost at ghosts of a people and know they were yours and know they are you.

Unless you know the deluge of tears for strangers not touched for a family not met

For babies not kissed for laughter not born and know they were yours and know they are you.

Unless you know the deluge of tears for strangers not touched for family not met for babies

Not kissed for laugher not born and know they were yours and know they are you.

Unless you know a childhood full of ghosts at the table of monsters in shadows of stories of suffering

Of prayers said in vain and know they were yours and know they are you.

Unless you know that guilt is ingrained that grief never ends that hate comes in waves that life carries pain

Do not tell me you know what is is that I feel unless you know they were yours and know they are you.

"Unless you Know"

Copyright 2016 Rachel L. MacAulay

Published by Reform Judaism.org

Computer Classroom In Kenya in Memory of My Niece Selina McAllister Gets Rave Reviews from Students & Teachers

“This amazing beloved project has lowered student absenteeism, boosted moral for students and staff, lifted self-esteem, and made our community proud,”

—Noel Olweny and the Masogo Community

A Progress Report by Dennis Augustine on behalf of the McAllister Family:

Grief opens our hearts to empathy and compassion, guiding us to give generously in honor of those we’ve loved and lost. Through the tears of grief, we discover the profound healing power of giving, and keeping alive the spirit of those we hold dear.

Since the tragic loss of my dear niece and goddaughter Selina on her daughter Zaila’s 13 th birthday, December 28, 2023, my brother-in-law Joe and family provided the funding to launch the Selina McAllister Computer Classroom in loving memory of his and my sister Josie's daughter approximately six weeks after she was laid to rest. Why Kenya? In 2006, when he, my late brother Michael, and I went to Kenya on a camera safari, we met a young man named Noel Olweny, a young guide at the Kenya Safari Club. Joe stayed in touch with Noel, and returned to Kenya with Selina the following year—as a gift for her graduation. Joe became a mentor and good friend to Noel and offered to help fund his post-graduate education in Land Management. As the years went by, Noel became a respected leader in the Masogo community. He currently serves on the County Assembly Service Board of Kisumu. Joe continued to fund some projects to help Noel's community, including preserving the natural habitat in the area.

Inspired by what Joe had accomplished and wanting to participate in honoring my niece, Cecile and I decided to provide funding to further advance the completion and modernization of Selina’s Computer Classroom and other related needs for the children and community. Upon receipt of our donation, Noel wrote, “Thank you for your kind open hearts that will positively impact the students and wider Masogo community.”

By helping to provide 40 Chromebook laptop computers to secondary-grade students, Joe’s generous and heartwarming efforts will not only give them access to technology and educational resources but also honors the memory of Selina. It's a powerful example of turning personal tragedy and grief into a force for good and promoting education as a pathway to personal growth and future opportunities. Joe also arranged with a third party to have 80 Jerseys shipped to Masogo for the girls and boys soccer team in time for the inter-school competition that will take place in the second term.

As you observe these photos and the students two short “thank you videos" sent to us by Noel, you’ll see enthusiastic and joyful children, express their gratitude. On some level, they understand the power of pencils, books, and computers. Noel, Joe, and I know all too well that getting an education with these new resources will change their lives and allow them to lift themselves up out of poverty.

For those who missed it, here is the link to my original story dated February 20, 2024:

https://enjoyyourlifenow.net/.../computer-classroom...

Computer Classroom Launched in Kenya in Loving Memory of My Niece Selina by Her Dad Joseph McAllister & Family

They say "it takes a village to raise a child," but sometimes it takes a person of vision and empathy to help a village and young minds to thrive under difficult circumstances. In this case, that person is my brother-in-law Joseph McAllister, who provided the financial backing to make it happen so that "Selina will forever live-on knowing they helped others in need and "making the world a better place for tomorrow."

Located three miles from Obama’s ancestral home in Kogelo, on the shores of Lake Victoria, is the Masogo Community and school with a surrounding population of under 10,000 people, and a student body of 223. After going on a camera safari in Kenya with Joseph and my late brother Michael in October 2006, Joe fell in love with the country. Years later, he returned with his beloved Selina as a gift for her graduating college. He hired the same guide named George that we had hired for our camera safari (photo).

When my niece and goddaughter Selina died on December 28, 2023 at the age of 40 of heart failure due to a deadly mix of prescription drugs, it dealt a devastating blow to her daughter Zaila—who had just turned 13 that very day—and the rest of the McAllister and Augustine families. Joseph described this life-altering event as an unimaginable loss and upheaval that left a hole in his and my sister Josephine's heart and soul.

Everyone deals with tragic events and grief in different ways. Joe decided to fund the Selina McAllister Computer Classroom at the Masogo School and community in Kenya in loving memory of Selina on behalf of him and his family. It was officially launched on February 15, by community council leader and Joe’s dear friend, Noel Olweny and his select committee from the school board. Thanks to Joe, it contains some of the best educational software available to maximize the potential to ensure full productivity for all ages and grades. “This is a game changer,” Olweny told Joseph,” and added, "I was just told that most classes were requesting to be in Selina’s Computer Class.”

Back History: Joseph had met Noel in Mount Kenya. He saw potential in his abilities to lead and decided to fund his post-graduate masters degree in land management at Everton University. Over the years Joe acted as an advisor to the Masogo community and helped fund the installation of bathrooms, fresh water wells, a playground for the children, and soccer uniforms and cleats for boys. He also provided funding to paint the entire school, install a new roof, and built a caretakers house equipped with five cows and ten sheep as compensation for a place for the caretaker to live while providing security.

Joe also recommended building a one-room home for the grandmother of a young boy named Edwin who lost his mom to AIDS, and was abandoned by his alcoholic father—as Joe had been in his youth. Moreover, once girls reached sexual maturity they were supplied with reusable AFRI-sanitary pads to avoid being absent 2.5 months of the school year, allowing them to be on par with the boys. Joe provided micro-financing to the grandmother allowing her to sell biscuits daily, which she has been running profitably for the past year. He and Noel also added WiFi to the building and hired a mason to replace the dirt floors with concrete slabs. Currently Joseph decided to add funding for a school food program to feed all of the children who were surviving on only one meal a day. They will enjoy an extra meal for the next 10 weeks school session.

Noel’s mama, the matriarch for the girls and her friend gave speeches. Coincidentally, mama and Selina share the same name. Mama expressed she how happy she was that Joe had the vision of coming up with this noble and significant history making idea that will change so many lives. The students parents were mesmerized.

You’ll notice that many of the posters in these photos say: "Asante Sana to Joseph McAllister and family,” which in East Africa means "thank you," or "I appreciate it." Mama who knew what it was like losing a family member, asked for a minute of silence for Selina. Everyone was teary-eyed after learning that Selina died on her daughter Zaila’s birthday. In the next minute there was great joy when Mama and her friend officially opened Selina's Computer Classroom with a ribbon cutting ceremony.

Memorial Tribute to Cecile's Beloved Cousin Joyce Berger Who Had a Heart of Gold

(Born: August 28, 1928—December 20, 2023)

“Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure…you are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure.”—Renee Wood

Cecile and I, and Jason were in Maui when she received a call on Wednesday, Dec 20 from her cousin Jeff Berger that his mother Joyce had passed away. She was 95. It has been said that the spring of generosity never runs dry for the person who willingly gives from the heart. This describes Joyce to a T. When Cecile and I first moved to San Jose, California in 1975, it was Joyce and her late husband Bill Berger who helped us find our footing when we were looking for a place to live and open my Podiatric Medical and Minimally Invasive Foot Surgical Practice. They referred us to a friend who was a realtor in our area that found us the perfect spot in an old neighborhood near the Municipal Rose Garden district. In the early years we would drive up to Sacramento to visit Joyce and Bill and their son Jeff. They invited us to stay at their home, and whenever we went out to eat lunch or dinner, they always picked up the tab. They wouldn’t have it any other way. Sometime later when she was still mourning Bill’s death, we invited her to join us in London and Rome. We had the most amazing and memorable time.

Throughout the years we became aware how Joyce helped many members of her family who fell on hard times or who had endured some setbacks in life. She was generous to a fault, but the truth is there is no fault in having a generous heart. Her first impulse is to give whether it be to her community, her synagogue, friends and family alike.

Five years ago, we were invited by Jeff to attend Joyce’s 90th Birthday party that was preceded by a ceremonial blessing (Kiddush) at the Mosaic Law Congregation. Rabbi Reuven Taff, the spiritual leader of the Conservative Temple led a vibrant, uplifting service, sprinkled with humor, warmth, love, scholarly readings and Hebrew chanting. Taff had trained at the Theological Seminary in NYC, and received his B.S. degree in Religious Studies from California State University (Northridge), pursued his rabbinical studies in Israel where he was ordained in 1988. And, last but not least, inn 1999 he was honored by President George H.W. Bush to preside over and conduct the first annual White House Chanukah Celebration with the President, Vice President and their families. Joyce adored her rabbi and the feeling was mutual.

There was an informal luncheon for about 200 congregants and family members following the service sponsored by Joyce’s son and family. Afterwards, we were invited to Joyce’s home for dinner along with some of her friends, neighbors, and other family members who came in from Northern and Southern California, Detroit, MI, Chicago and Macedonia.

Some of the photos include Joyce with Cecile and I, Joyce with her beloved granddaughter, Ari and various family members who I have come to know and love. I spent many a Thanksgiving with them over the years while attending Podiatric Medical School in Chicago. Marrying into a Jewish family has been a blessing. From one Virgo to another (Joyce's and my birthdays were two days apart and we either called or sent birthday cards to one another), thank you! Cecile and I will never forget your loving generosity. Heartfelt condolences to Jeff and the family including Joyce’s surviving sister Ruby Conway. May her memory be a blessing to all.

Happy Birthday in Heaven Dad: Remembering our Trip to Italy with Mom aboard the Saturnia in 1953

Remember it was August 29, 1953, three days after my birthday. I was three years old. There were 205 passengers. We were going to visit mom’s family in Sicily. Mom was so beautiful. You lucky dog:) We sailed out of New York, Halifax, Lisbon, Gibraltar, Barcelona, Palermo, Cannes, and Genoa.

We were wearing those funny party hats when the photo was taken. It was built for the Cosulich Line and transferred to Italian Line in 1935 when it absorbed Cosulich Line. On May 8, 1935, she was used as troop transport for the Italian Government to east Africa (Eritrea). She was chartered to the International Red Cross for evacuation voyages from East Africa in 1942. She was taken over by the US Government and used as Francis Y. Slanger, a hospital ship. She was returned to Italian Line in late 1946 where her original name was restored. She returned to transatlantic sailing until 1965, when she was withdrawn from service. On October 7, 1965 she arrived at La Spezia, Italy to be scrapped and in 1966, she was scrapped by Terrestre Maritma.

Remembering Dad on the 6th Anniversary of His Passing: "A Tapestry of Love"

“Life has to end, love doesn’t.”—Mitch Albom

I remember the day I got the call from my sister Josie who resides in New Jersey. It was December 18, 2017. My family and I were vacationing in Maui—as we do every year at this time—to let me know our dad Frank, had died peacefully in his sleep. Our beloved mother Maria had died just four years earlier. Dad was 100 years old when he passed. Except for the last six months prior to his death, his mind was sharp as a tack. Dad had a colorful career.

His first job was at the Iconic Clam Broth House in Hoboken, NJ. He then signed up for the Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC) which was FDR’s work relief program. He also did two stints in the US Army, at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, TX, and Walter Reed Army Military Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland, thanks to his mentor and friend, Army Chaplain, Capt. William Walsh. He also served in the US Maritime Service in New London, CT., before returning to Civilian life. He married our mother Maria Micalizzi in 1947. They had me in 1950, followed by sister Josie, our late brother Michael, and brother Steve. Dad took a job at Janssen’s Dairy for 15 years, and subsequently worked at Maxwell House Coffee on the banks of the Hudson River. He was a Boy Scout Leader for 25 years; was installed as the Grand Knight of the Knights of Columbus, and was a member volunteer of the Elks Lodge No. 74, eventually becoming a life member.

In the twilight of his life, dad was honored by Dawn Zimmer, former Mayor of Hoboken, with a Proclamation for his many contributions to his community and his country. He was recognized publicly with a Senate Resolution sponsored by senator Brian Stack; and a laudatory resolution at the county level by the NJ Board of Chosen Freeholders, chaired by Anthony Romano, former Capt., of the Hoboken PD. Dad was also recognized by the Office of Veteran Affairs, and Catherine Macchi of the County Council on Aging who stated dad’s contributions were a “Legacy of Love.” Dad’s entire life was about love of nature and discovering the joy of giving to others.

Our Father Frank Augustine: A Tapestry of Love

"Beyond the 'Empty Chair' you left behind

A tapestry woven with love’s embrace.

Each thread a living memory, strong and true.

In the fabric of our hearts, your presence resides,

The laughter, the tears, the shared moments in time.

In each stitch, a love that abides.

Though you may not be physically here,

Your spirit fills the empty space,

And touch the threads of our bond,

I feel your love, a warm embrace.

The chair may stand vacant to be sure,

But your essence is never far,

For in this tapestry of our connection,

You live on, like a shining star.

We love you dad

Saying Goodbye to Beautiful Selina: Forever Loved & Forever Cherished

As we approached the Church of St. Mary, and again the Holy Cross cemetery in North Arlington where my goddaughter and niece Selina was laid to rest, we heard the mournful, reverent, and dignified sound of a solo bagpiper. It symbolizes the piper leading the departed to the Hereafter, yet stopping short of the Gate through which the piper cannot pass.

It’s been said that the loss of someone you love is immeasurable but so is the love left behind. Selina was a graduate of Centenary College receiving a bachelor's and master's degree’s in counseling psychology. She was a counselor for Bergen County Superior Court in Hackensack. According to her father and my brother-in-law Joseph McAllister, Selina’s real passion was horses. Selina owned many horses throughout the years. She showed horses professionally in both New Jersey and Idaho for 15 years. She also received many ribbons in competitive events. Selena is survived by her parents, Joseph, my sister Josephine Augustine McAllister, her loving daughter Zaila, and her brothers Joseph Jr., and Jake.

The most difficult realities that we—as a family—had to reconcile was Selina's tragic shortened lifespan. She was only 40 years old when she died, and the fact that it occurred on her beloved daughter Zaila’s 13th birthday, was too much to bear. The first thing that people notice about Selina (a variant of Selene meaning goddess) were her beautiful, radiant blue eyes and how her face lit up the room when she smiled. She had a huge capacity for kindness and empathy for others. She was feisty and outspoken at times, had a good sense of humor, and would do anything for anyone.

When a loved one dies it makes sense to turn to rituals to help us put our lives back together again. Grief is chaotic and disorienting. It rips our world apart. In fact, the word “bereaved" comes from the root word “reave,” which means to be robbed by force. The elements of a "healing funeral" are rituals that work together to restore order to our lives after everything is torn apart by the chaos and pain created by the death of someone who was much beloved.

What I love about funerals, is that they can heal a family torn apart by squabbles or misunderstandings. Bearing witness to the finite nature of life can spur loved ones to put life into perspective and let go of old grievances and simply share in their mutual grief. I was given the honor by Joe and Josie to deliver the eulogy at the Calhoun-Mania Funeral Home on their behalf. Then, there was attending the memorial mass at the beautiful Church of St. Mary in Rutherford, NJ, while the priest did the liturgy and readings, and administered the Holy Communion wafer.

During my flight home from Newark Airport to San Francisco, I was reminded of all that took place during the last few days. As I was waiting for the Uber driver to take me home, I was feeling melancholy, until I received a response from my Facebook post from Selina’s friend Gambel who shares with her husband Kevin Mccarthy that boosted my spirits: “Our hearts are broken too,” she said. “Selina loved and trusted her Uncle Dennis so much…this I know for sure,” she said. "She spoke of you often and always with love and respect. The same way she loved your brother Michael who passed and adored your brother Steve. My condolences to all.” Gambel added that her daughters have been Zaila’s best friends since they were 2 years old, and that she can assure me that she will do her very best to enhance Zaila’s life while keeping her mother’s love for her alive. Gambel was the sister of TJ Tarantino, Selina’s dear friend who passed away 1.5 years ago.

Postscript: The repast luncheon was hosted by the McAllisters at Mr Bruno and a private family dinner was hosted at PF Chang’s by my nephew Jake McAllister

Our Hearts Are Broken: Announcing the Loss of Our Niece and My Goddaughter Selina Marie Mcallister

(09-23-1983—12-28-2023):

The aspirational quote Selina shared with me on Christmas Eve called: Christmas gift suggestions:

“To your enemy, forgiveness; To an opponent, tolerance: To a friend, your heart; To a customer, service; To all, charity; To every child, a good example; To yourself, respect."

It was Friday, December 22, the last day of our vacation in Maui, when I noticed a text from our sweet niece Selina. We spoke by phone. We exchanged a few more texts when Cecile and I returned home, including some inspirational quotes. She was looking forward to seeing and having Christmas dinner with her family and especially her daughter Zaila, whom she loved dearly. The first thing that people noticed about Selina were her radiant blue eyes and how her face lit up the room when she smiled. Selina was blessed with a great many gifts. She was fun-loving, had a huge capacity for kindness, empathy for others, and love and support for family and friends.

Living on opposite coasts meant we didn’t get to see her as often as we would have liked. But, whether it was a text or phone call, these interactions were always filled with love and respect, and we always treasured the affectionate hugs and kisses when we did see her during our frequent trips to NJ. She was both my Goddaughter and my niece and she knew that we loved her and always wanted the best for her well-being, and we always felt the depth of her love. Sadly, she passed away on Zaila's birthday, at the age of 40. Selina, we love you, and you will be missed. May you Rest in Peace!

A Poem: She is Gone

“You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back, or you can open your

eyes and see all that she has left [in better times].

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her, or you can be full of love that you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow and live yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want:

SMILE, OPEN YOUR EYES, LOVE AND GO ON LIVING!

Please Note: For Friends and Family living in NJ and wish to pay your respects, at the Calhoun Mania Funeral Home in Rutherford, NJ., here is the website link:

https://memorials.calhounmaniafuneralhome.com/.../5351492/

Remembering our Late Brother Michael & Happy Birthday in Heaven to our Late Mother Maria

“Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day…unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear.” —Unknown

The older we get the closer eternity seems. You never know when the sand is going to run out of the hourglass.

For our brother Michael the sand ran out when he tragically took his own life four years ago, on "All Saints Day,” observed on November 1st by the Roman Catholic Church. It was nine days before his 61st Birthday. Formerly, of Hoboken, NJ., where we grew up, he lived in Beachwood. He is survived by his beloved sons Micheal Jr., Andrew, Brock, and Alex, my sister Josephine, and brother Steve, as well as all his nieces and nephews. He was a well liked Construction Manager for Shauger Group in East Orange. In his youth he loved to play hockey, and was a proud Eagle Scout. My fondest memory of Michael is the time my brother-in-law Joseph McAllister and I invited him to join us on a camera safari in Kenya and Tanzania for a well-deserved, long overdue vacation. I never saw him so happy. Michael lived with Cecile and I in California, went to West Valley College, worked for Pella Windows for a while and later moved to San Diego. After he died our brother was cremated and our nephew Michael Jr., gave us an amulet containing some of his ashes. The one I was gifted is a silver amulet of an elephant. I keep it in my bike bag on top of my bike rack behind my so my brother Michael is always with me during my rides.

Wednesday, November 2nd, is our late mother Maria’s birthday. She passed away on Mother’s day, May 12, 2013. While Cecile and I were in New Jersey before our Fall Foliage Cruise on the Hudson River, we visited my parents, Marie and Frank's gravesite at the Holy Cross Cemetery in North Arlington. We laid a flowering plant at the foot of the headstone and took a photo together to mark the occasion. Mom is best remembered for her beauty, her loving presence, her sharp wit, and contagious laugh. When we were visiting family in Sicily she loved to take the red ripe fruit of a cactus plant, carefully cut the thorny skin off and eat the fruit. Seven years ago when we downsized to a townhome, I realized that I could see a grouping of cactus plants from my home office window. It was another way to keep her memory alive. Happy Birthday in Heaven mom, from all of us!

Postscript: Happy Birthday to our brother in law, Joseph McAllister seen in the photo with Michael and I during the East Africa safari we took together. While brother Michael died on All Saints Day, Joe was born on All Saints Day. The evening my brother left us, Josie, Joe, Cecile and I were near the Hudson, still in shock that the sand had run out of Michael's hourglass.

Pleasant Serendipitous Encounters with the Late Senator Dianne Feinstein We'll Never Forget & Heartfelt Condolences to Family & Friends

“Famous people are always shrouded in mystery…and we’re always curious to know what they are like…and most importantly whether they’re people just likes us.”

—Justina Ciapaite

“Life is filled with defeat and you just pick yourself up and you go on.”

—Senior Senator Dianne Feinstein

Cecile and I were surprised how emotional we got when the breaking news from all media outlets announced

that that Senator Feinstein had died at the age of 90. She left behind an incredible legacy that began

with the tragic 1978 assassinations of Mayor Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk in San Francisco. She emerged as the first female mayor of the city by the bay after serving as the first female president of the SF Board of Supervisors in 1971. In 1992 she went to Washington after winning a special election and became California’s first female senator along with Barbara Boxer. She was known for her pragmatism and reaching across the aisle.

Cecile and I had encountered Senator Feinstein many times. Cecile had frequented the same hair and nail salon in Union Square. She chit chatted with her a few times on a few occasions. A little over two years before her 1992 special election to fill the spot vacated by Pete Wilson who beat Feinstein in a gubernatorial race, I had spoken to her briefly at the salon while Cecile was preparing to get a manicure and pedicure. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I turned to my left and saw her seated very comfortably with curl rollers in her hair and getting a mani-pedi. She was very friendly and accessible. I told her I was getting a massage while Cecile was getting a mani-pedi. I prematurely congratulated her as the next would be governor. Of course, as mentioned above, Pete Wilson prevailed, and despite the loss, her political career blossomed.

Another serendipitous encounter included seeing her at the SF airport for our trip to Maui while she was preparing to board on a flight to one of the other islands. She had a ton of baggage that our young, little, curious son Jason was only too happy to climb upon. The last time we saw Feinstein, was at a celebration for His Holiness the Dalai Lama in San Francisco for being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 for his non-violent struggle to regain sovereignty in Tibet. There was a very moving interfaith service afterwards. Cecile and I had invited a rabbi and his wife to attend. Feinstein and her husband were long time friends of the Dalai Lama. Her late husband Richard Blum brought her to Dharmsala to meet His Holiness in 1978. As Senator she was involved in Institutionalizing the United States support for Tibet. Her husband, a long time Bay Area businessman was the Founder and chaired The American Himalayan Foundation to improve education and health, preserve Tibetan culture, and prevent girl trafficking, causes Cecile and I have supported on and off over the years.

Honoring the Fond Memories of Our Late Fathers at the Crepevine Restaurant in San Jose

“My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived, and let me watch him do it.” —Clarence Budington Kelland

Sometimes a bike ride is not just a bike ride. My friend Bill and I decided to ride to San Jose on the Los Gatos Creek Trail. We elected to eat at the Crepevine in the Willow Glen area. We were seated outdoors next to a man who had ordered lunch for himself and his elderly mother who hadn’t arrived yet. More on that later.

While my dad Frank Augustine, died on December 18, 2017, in Hoboken, NJ, just shy of 101; Bill’s dad Irving Rothenberg, died on August 21, 2023, in Cleveland, Ohio, at the age of 94. It goes without saying, that Bill’s loss is more acute and raw than mine. I sensed he wanted to talk about his father as I did before and after my father died. In fact, we had been speaking about Irving for some time before and after the many trips Bill took to Cleveland to check in on him. Without having met Irving, I felt I got to know him a bit through Bill’s memories.

As most of you know I have had the privilege of honoring my late dad and mom on Facebook a few times a year: On their birthdays, the anniversary of their passing, Mother’s and Father’s Day, and Veteran’s Day for dad. So, other than saying that dad was honored for contributions to his community and country by the City of Hoboken’s former mayor, The State Senator of NJ, The NJ Board of Chosen Freeholders, the Civilian Conservation Corp Legacy Journal, the Office of Senior Affairs, and for being a Boy Scout Leader for 25 years, with Bill’s blessings, I am going to focus on his dad, Irving who was a graduate of Ohio State University, became an Architect, served as an Air Force 1st Lieutenant, became a private pilot, and worked a full career in the construction business.

However, what is equally impressive about Irving, were his many hobbies. Bill described his dad—whom he affectionately calls, Irving—"a man of many interests and activities, with seemingly endless energy.” At different stages of his life, Irving was a boater, sailor, canoeist, swimmer, tennis player, water and snow skier, racquet ball player, runner, and camp counselor. He also engaged in Israeli dancing, fencing, bicycling, water coloring, SCUBA diving, and was a world traveler. As for those professional sports fans, Irving was a Browns, Indians, Cavaliers, and Buckeye fan, through and through. Last but not least, he was a passionate violinist who played from the age of five, until shortly before his death. As you can see in the photo this brought him pleasure.

More importantly, Bill describes his father as having been a kind man, at his core a good, and a gentle man, who was really interested in the well-being of others—A real “mensch" (Yiddish for someone who is kind and considerate). Thanks to Irving, Bill involved himself in most of the activities listed above. He participated in virtually every team sport, became a boy scout like myself, attended countless summer camps, became a big sports fan in his own right, did Polar Bear swims, ice skated, and participated in 10K races with his dad. He is a true “son of Irving,” proud and grateful for being given a birds-eye view on how to live life to its fullest.

Back to the man we met at the Crepevine Restaurant. His mother never arrived. Apparently, her caregiver had to take her back home, as she had an unpleasant mishap, and fell asleep. The dutiful son was going to bring the food he had ordered for her to her home. He told me his mom is 88, the same age as my mother Maria, before she passed away. His father, he added, died at 94, the same age as Irving. May they RIP.

Memorial Tribute to a Dear Friend: AL Nakatani Who Accepted his Mortality with Grace & Wisdom

Yesterday, June 14, at 9:50 AM, our dear friend, Alexander Nakatani, retired social worker for the Veterans Administration transitioned to the heavenly realm, with his beloved wife, Jane, a retired elementary school teacher at his side. He was 86. The cause of death was cancer of the spine. In the face of heartbreaking tragedy they had lost three sons, Glen, Greg and Guy. Two from AIDS and one from a gunshot wound by an illegal immigrant over a parking space. The story is told by author Molly Fumia, an expert on the grieving process, in “Honor Thy Children” (Conari Press). The book tells the story of the family’s trajectory from homophobia and denial to emotional healing. Initially horrified to learn that Guy, their youngest son, was gay, the anger and shame they initially experienced was replaced with unconditional love. I had met Al and Guy, their last son to die of HIV when I attended a talk they had given at a local high school, that Cecile recommended I attend. Guy died in 1994 a the age of 26. Cecile and I became supporters of the Honor Thy Children Foundation. Al and Jane moved to Maui, and we would make it a priority to have them join us for lunch on Kaanapali Beach where Cecile and I took our annual family vacation.

Back in the day, I decided to do a silent 10-day meditation retreat at the Silver Cloud Ranch on Mt. Haleakala. At the end retreat we were gifted a beautiful Lei. I managed to get two more and had the privilege to place them on the tombstone of Al and Jane’s sons: Glen, Greg and Guy.

Not too long ago, I received an email from Al, stating he had stage 4 cancer of the spine, and he was going to have Hospice come to his and Jane’s home. We spoke by phone and it was the most intimate conversation I have ever had with someone who was dying. Al, shared with me he wanted to chronicle his dying experience. So Cecile and I became one of over 70 people within his circle that had received status updates. It turned out to be tutorial of sorts of how to accept one’s mortality.

Al, Thank you so much for courageously, lovingly, compassionately, consciously, and transparently sharing the stages you went through in your final journey. We will treasure them always. You showed us how to "Die The Good Death.” Ars moreindi—a Latin term meaning—“the art of dying” was coined in 1415 when a Dominican friar published a book instructing its readers how to achieve “the good death.” This amounted to spending one’s last days reflecting on triumphs, surrounded by family and friends with a sense of fulfillment rather than despair. For centuries, a “good death” was considered the ultimate culmination of a successful life and was diligently sought by many. Today, a clear obstacle stands in the way of those of us who would do the same—a deep aversion to death. By failing to confront our own mortality and by consistently avoiding difficult conversations with those who are terminally ill, we are doing ourselves a disservice and making “the good death” nearly impossible for those we cherish.

We are so grateful for your willingness to share your final journey with all of us with such candor and openness. it is a true gift and blessing to us all. When we spoke by phone awhile back, I was humbled by the fact that you had made peace with your prognosis, and was preparing for your passing. You were essentially saying goodbye, letting us know you love us, that you feel a spiritual connection to us all, and that you were ready to follow the natural progression and evolution of all living things.

E ho’omaha me ka maluhia (Rest in peace!)

Dennis and Cecile Augustine

P.S. Jane, we are sending hugs and love your way. We are so happy to hear that Al was able to complete the HTC (Honor Thy Children) Sanctuary and do the Ken Fong Podcast in early May while he still had the strength too do it.

A MOTHER’S DAY Ode to our Sicilian-Born Mama Maria who is Always with Us

“She was an independent woman of stature and grace. She had beautiful eyes and a lovely face. An audacious strength from deep inside. In her I knew I could always confide.”

—Sharlynn N. Manning

It was Mothers Day 2013. I had taken a red-eye flight on United Airlines from California to New Jersey, not knowing whether mom would be alive when I got there. Even though a sibling believed she was rallying back, I felt a strong silent prompting to be at our mother’s bedside. As it turned out, she passed away in the afternoon in spite of heroic efforts by doctors to keep her alive. My siblings Josie, brothers Michael and Steve at her bedside, taking turns holding her hand as she transitioned to the heavenly realm.

The following poem by Deborah Culver called “Your Mother is Always with You was adapted in our mother’s memory.

She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.

She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick,

The fragrance of life itself.

She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.

She’s your breath in the air on a cold winters’ day.

She’s the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep…

Your mother lives inside your laughter.

She’s the place you came from, your first home on earth.

She’s the map you follow with every step you take.

She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy [when you didn’t get your way].

But nothing on Earth can separate you.

Not time.

Nor space.

Not even death.

Happy Mother's Day, Mama!

He is Gone But Not Forgotten: Celebrating the Life of Longtime Friend Mark Brodsky

After valiantly battling a life-threatening illness, our dear friend Mark Brodsky died Tuesday, May 2, at El Camino Hospital in Mountain View just minutes before Cecile and I went to sit vigil at his bedside. Mark can best be described as a mensch, which in Yiddish means to be supportive, to be a friend, and to have a caring heart. He also had desire of giving back to his community. He was a former mayor of Monte Sereno, and much beloved by the Rotary for all his mitzvahs (good deeds). He was also a policy advisor for the Santa Clara Valley Transportation Authority (VTA) who advocated proposals to reduce congestion on local freeways and reshape development. When Cecile and I downsized to Rinconada Hills seven years ago, he and his beloved wife and our dear friend Marleen followed our lead by moving into our gated community. It wasn’t too long before Mark became a board member of our HOA and got involved with the Tennis group.

A graduate of San Jose University with a degree in Mechanical Engineering, Mark worked in the semi-conductor industry for many years, before deciding to start his own business called Laser Mark’s LLC, in 1988. It became the technology leader in Laser Processing Services. He also built custom lasers. Lasers were something we had in common, as I used a carbon dioxide in my podiatric medical practice back in the day. He also once made me a laser engraved business card, and other novelty items.

Mark loved his family, and his friends. He was a social butterfly, and never turned down an opportunity to attend a party or celebration. He had an endearing smile, a positive attitude, loved ball room dancing with Marleen. He also loved his Jewish faith and tradition, and loved telling jokes and stories. We were both born in 1950, and our birthdays were two months apart, his on July 26 and mine on August 26. Our respective wedding anniversaries were a day apart, and our favorite place to go to eat Italian food was Aldo’s, and Asian food at Mint Leaf.

Our favorite group activity with our circle of friends was our annual barbecue at Seabright Beach in Santa Cruz that Marleen would organize for us sometime during the Jewish Holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. One of the favorite rituals Mark and the group loved was a ceremony called Tashlich. We would each take a morsel of bread and cast it into the ocean. It represents letting go of our mistakes, errors in judgement, regrets, and guilt in the hope that they will be washed away, like the bread in the current, our hearts would open to blessing and gratitude for the new year.

Rest peacefully Mark, and know your life was and is a blessing to all.

Postscript: Friends and family including our daughter Michelle and husband Kyle attended the gravesite burial service at Los Gatos Memorial Park yesterday and a repast luncheon afterwards at Rinconda Hills

HAPPY BIRTHDAY & HAPPY NEW YEAR IN HEAVEN: IN MEMORY OF MY LATE DAD FRANK AUGUSTINE

“We never lost our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.—Paulo Coelho

One in every 5,000 people in the United States is a centenarian, someone who’s 100 or more years old.15 percent are men, and my dad was one of them, having left the "Train of Life" in 2017 at nearly 101 years old. One could ask, what was his secret? Science tells us that centenarians age slowly, delaying age-related diseases to much later in life. But, the only disease my dad died of was “old age.” He did not have any life-threatening illnesses. So what did dad have in common with other centenarians? He stayed positive. He liked to joke around. He loved seeing people laugh. When difficult situations arose, whether a death in the family or a sibling was ill, he stayed resilient, he adapted, and remained optimistic. Considering the average life expectancy of a man at birth was 78.6 years, my family and I were blessed to have him in our lives, over 20 years beyond his life expectancy.

It is important to honor those who have passed away. It allows us to celebrate a life well lived and share your loved one’s story. I have three opportunities each year to remember my dad whom we affectionally called Frank. His birthday, which is January 5; his death, which is December 18, 2017 and Veterans Day, November 11. By doing this I get to recall his presence vividly, especially when the remembrance is accompanied by photos of him. The relationship I have with my late dad is best defined by the Paulo Coelho quote above that ends with…"We never lost our loved one...We are merely in different rooms.”

Postscript: For anyone who has lost a loved one you’ll find the words that come to life on the youtube clip called, “The Train of Life” with Susan Boyle singing *Auld Lang Syne in the backdrop very inspiring. The Train is a metaphor of how we travel through the different stages of life, meeting new friends, reconnecting with old ones in the same train after so many years. Each year, we say goodbye to those who have left us behind, sharing our dreams, hopes, sorrows, and laughter during those precious moments in our lives. The very essence of this reflection on life is what did we learn from our companions, and our loved ones on this journey. How much did we love, give, cared for, and shared, and, when our time is up, what treasured memories do we leave behind for those still on the train. Cecile and I want to thank those who are on our train, and remember those who departed for the heavenly station.

*Auld Lang Syne: lyrics are in Scots language: can be interpreted as since long ago or for old time’s sake.

The Train of Life:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmtyvQw5ROk

Remembering & Celebrating My Dad on the 5th Year Anniversary of his Passing

“Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard but always near,

still loved, still missed and very dear.” —Author Unknown

It was on December 18, 2017, eight days before Christmas that my dad died while we were vacationing in Maui. Cecile and I had taken him and my late mom, Marie—who passed away four years prior—to Maui in years past with our son Jason and daughter Michelle as seen in a couple of the photos included with this post. My siblings and I were blessed to have dad in our lives just short of reaching a 101. He was a gentle soul who loved wine making, gardening, reading about history, and hiking while being a scout leader for 25 years.

Whenever my mother announced that someone they knew passed away, my father would often say, “We all gotta go sometime.” It sounded so fatalistic, but the truth is, dad was a devout Catholic. He was a lay brother in the Maryknoll seminary in upstate New York, falling short of becoming a priest. Lucky for me, for had he gone on to take his priestly vow of celibacy, I wouldn’t be telling this story. However, he practiced his faith in other ways like volunteering to pass the long handled collection basket in the pews to parishioners at Our Lady of Grace Church in Hoboken, NJ, where I grew up. He was also a chaplain’s aide in the US Army in Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas, and again at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, MD, working under Capt. William Walsh, who was his friend and mentor. After retiring he became the Grand Knight of the Knight of Columbus, a fraternal organization, and for many years tended a small shrine in the bay window of a storage room on the first floor of his and mom’s five-unit apartment building. He wasn’t at all preachy about his religious beliefs, but rather lived his faith. This caught the attention of a local pastor who wrote about my dad in his column called “Faith Matters,” in the Jersey Journal.